Secrets
All text taken from Cosmo Girl, December 2006 / January 2007, pp. 158-60
You discover them every day,
Leaning toward you, trying not to laugh. As guilty
Of the truth you never told
As of the truth you share, your face
Is huge with secrets
You pretend to avoid
On your way to your next class, next dinner, next
Amazingly mortifying sweater. Even your sweaters
Smell of secrets: fire
Stuffed in a drawer, music charred
By prayers you thought were yours, happiness
Burning in books
Hurled across the room, a hideous
Mix of emotions
That leaves burst marks on your kids.
You think you are passing
As a normal person,
Being silly, talking on the phone, giving
The gift of pain
To the family that needs you,
That makes you feel
Broken and elegant,
Like a cherry on a sword.
Your friends see you
As completely lost, a menorah of need and love
Laughing hysterically
At the top of the stairs.
You glance back. You want to pretend
To be a total person, a model
Of truth, an amazing parent,
But you are falling
Into the crack
In the charred foundation
You thought was happiness.
The secrets you chose
Never to reveal
Spill across the landscape
Of the love
You thought you would never give,
Laughing like dolphins
Stuffed in a drawer
Inviting you to swim.
