Brett Allen Smith really enjoys that David Lynch television series from the early 90’s, Twin Peaks. He wishes Miranda July would notice him. When he’s in a bad mood he watches Boogie Nights, after which time he refuses to answer to any name other than Dirk Diggler for a period of about a day. When he was five he was too afraid to dress up as a pirate for Pirate Day at his preschool so he dressed up as Peter Pan instead and accidentally fell into the Fischer-Price water pool and the teachers cancelled Pirate Day as a result of his wetness, and to his knowledge there has never since been another Pirate Day. He ruined Pirate Day for his and every following generation.