The list of AWP panels this year is overwhelming, several hundred offerings over a three-day period. It’s kinda ridiculous, when you think about it. Are we really expected to spend hours of our precious time reading through these descriptions?

Well, yes. But that doesn’t mean it’s not annoying.

Thankfully, I’m here to help.

I’ve discovered that you can learn a great deal about a panel simply by reading the first word of each line of its description. And not only that, dear readers, but I have combed through all three days of festivities–all three!–and below have laid out the top pick(s) for each and every time slot.

(You’re right, it is very generous of me. But I’m a helper. It’s in my nature. I’m a people person, people.)

(I’m also broke, so I just want to mention that if you wish to thank me for taking care of this monumental task for you, you’ll find me at the hotel bar, nursing an ice water but really wanting a whiskey and ice water.)

(Jameson.)

Make sure to show up early for these, because once word of this post spreads, the panels below are going to be in hellishly high demand.

THURSDAY

9:00 – 10:15

R109. Zentner’s Saga

Zentner,

often

before

published

did

journey

emerging

10:30 – 11:45

R142. Leveling the Playing Field

by

Crystal

McQuaid

social

exploration

disenchantment

inequities

less.

construction.

you

12:00 – 1:15

R148. Creativity Through the Web

Low-Residency

Nancy

years,

developed

practices

From

websites,

students

creative

1:30 – 2:45

R178. On Becoming Animate

Essay.

McClanahan)

experiment–

ways–

become

animate

explore

expect

question

3:00 – 4:15

R199. Bringing Down the Walls

A.

The wilderness.

walls;

beyond

that

getting

with

4:30 – 5:45

R229. Redefining With Debbie

World.

Debra

in

nature

of

anthology

Arab-American,

redefine

the

multicultural

FRIDAY

9:00 – 10:15

F116. How Frank Trimmed History

and

Frank

committed

their

role

concision,

and

history

10:30 – 11:45

F134. Please Don’t Feed the Writers

(Jeffrey

Elliott)

writers

writing

writers

writing

12:00 – 1:15

(This was the toughest time slot–I found three worthy panels. Would that my doppelganger had a doppelganger)

(Wait, isn’t my doppelganger’s doppelganger me?)

F147. Quiet, Please

Carolyn

reading

F152. Well I Guess it Would Be Nice

(Lorraine

Joy

sensitive

male

religion.

Explore

faith

faith

faith

F163. On Self-Promotion

Boland

Boland

Society

1:30 – 2:45

F169. Dead Horse

Leebron,

Jessica

programs,

and

better

programs?

programming,

programs

programs.

3:00 – 4:15

F187. The Art of the Solo Project

Lisa

begins

alone,

films

and

Consider

another’s

practice

4:30 – 5:45

F219. Dead Batteries

(Peter

mistake

marketplace?

international

to

writers

available

for

jumpstart

SATURDAY

9:00 – 10:15

S103. Evidently Pablo’s Parents Were Latino

(Pablo

Cruz,

a

Latina/o

creation,

In

retreat-workshop

efforts

aesthetic

reading

S122. On Writing the Personal Ad

Avoid

Allison

enough;

a

match.com

published

10:30 – 11:45

S136. Destroying the Intern’s Spirit

Sustaining

Andrew

More

least

graduate

independent

organizations.

experiences

not-for-credit.

work.

12:00 – 1:15

S150. The Game of Life

Bottoms,

Points

and

winning

years

1:30 – 2:45

S182. How the Rich Get Richer

Chernoff,

Room,

American

Established

has

Some

work.

3:00 – 4:15

S187. Looking Past Yellow Journalism

Up.

Pedroza,

U.S.-Mexico

stories,

Chicano

boundary.

portrait

sensationalized

immigration.

celebrate

4:30 – 5:45

S215. “Still and Wreaking”: Writing in the Post-Katrina Age

Kalamu

unleashed

is

Orleans-based

cultural

post-Katrina

“Still

and

wreaking

That’s it, ladies and gents. Enjoy your AWP. Have fun, let loose, but be careful — that place will be chock-full of writers. Many of whom will not have showered in the days, maybe even weeks, leading up to the event.